Let’s start the season by saying that the game we all love and thought knew so well, looks to have been turned entirely upside down by what promises to be countless new twists and turns. At first, we are introduced to the season’s 8 new houseguests, who include everything from a youth minister who appears obsessed with women, to a model who doesn’t want people to misjudge her because of her beauty, to a VIP cocktail waitress who believes she will be targeted because she lives a luxurious life. We also have a thrill seeking virgin and a rocker who is too old to be a rocker. None of these guys and gals piqued my interest but leave it to BB to throw in a big twist right off the bat and just when I thought I knew what’s going on.
The contestants who did not hear Julie tell the viewing audience about the return of the Dynamic Duos quickly realized for themselves that there are 10 beds and 12 place settings, but only 8 of them in the house. So, they figured out that more people would be joining them. With that realization, the most-repeated phrase in
BB history were uttered by newbie Adam: “Expect the unexpected.”
FIRST TWIST: HOUSEGUESTS PARTNER UP!Julie Chen dropped the first twist on the houseguests that each contestant would have to immediately chose a partner from the pool of people they just met with whom to play the game moving forward. Julie also tells them that if one contestant of the pair wins H.O.H. (Head Of Household), so would their partner. Along the same lines, pairs will be put up on the chopping block together and they would then have to campaign against their partner to stay in the game. This is bad enough in and of itself before we find out later on in the episode that if one survives the chopping block, that person gets a “Golden Key,” which is essentially a safety pass or Power of Veto until only 10 contestants remain. But we will get to that later. Confused yet?
The newbies are told to pick a partner. The youth minister Keith who told everyone he is a matchmaker, quickly jumps on the blonde Porsche, obviously using the wrong head to make his decision. We then get the partnership of Cassi and Shelly who are my vote for the strongest newbie duo, Kalia and Lowan, and Dominic and Adam.
SECOND TWIST: OLD HOUSEGUESTS RETURN
Once the pairings are done, the houseguests decide to form an 8-member alliance to beat out anyone who would walk through the door after they had. Sure enough, the doorbell rings and Rachel Reilly and Brendon Villegas from season 12 walk in the door. YES!! Say what you want about this wacky couple who just got engaged after breaking up temporarily when Brendon got caught sending out some sexy photos of himself to someone other than Rachel. But you can’t deny that they are strong players and fun-slash-annoying to watch. But, at least they give us a reason to watch.
Before the contestants can even digest Brendon and Rachel’s entrance, or Rachel’s god-awful laugh, the doorbell rings again and Jordan Lloyd and Jeff Schroeder walk in! Two of my favorites who I am thrilled to see are still together after also having met on BB almost two years ago. The newbie contestants are much more pleased with this surprise and treat the duo and previous BB winner (Jordan) as BB celebrity.
But the doorbell rings for a third time and season 8’s
Evel Dick and Daniele Donato enter the house. WOAH! WHAT? Thought we got rid of that guy by awarding him $500K already for being the biggest ass on TV. Guess it pays to be evel. Turns out, as no shock to any true
BB fan, that Daniele and her father Dick haven’t spoken to each other in three years, which makes their “couple” status a bit more complicated. And awkward. Then again, these two hardly got along the first time they were on the show but they came in numero uno and number two, respectively, anyway.
H.O.H. COMPETITION
The first H.O.H. competition takes place in the
Big Brother backyard and is called appropriately enough, “Going Bananas.” Each couple gets and hangs on to a single giant slippery banana and the goal is to see which houseguest can hold on the longest. Random squirts of chocolate sauce and whip cream splash the contestants making the bananas extremely hard to grasp. But c’mon, which of you didn’t know that Rachel would for sure win a contest which required holding on for dear life to a banana? And sure enough, she won. Even she told the cameras afterwards, “Nothing comes between me and my banana,” which made me wonder if that’s her nickname for Brendon. I mean, she is the one that repeatedly said nothing comes between her and her man the last time she was on the show.
Shelly is the first to fall off, saying to the camera later that she and partner Cassie wanted to seem weak. That’s funny because the entire newbie group seemed weak and when it was all said and done, there were still 3 repeating BB houseguests left when all newbies had shamelessly fallen off. That’s bad especially considering there are two more newbies than oldies in the house.
Jordan expectantly falls next followed by Keith and then Cassi. Then Lowan, Adam, Jeff and Dominic take falls one after another. Brendan falls too, and Kalia follows shortly thereafter. The remaining contestants are shot with whip cream, and Porsche falls immediately, leaving only the oldies in the game. Dick and Daniele agree to fall if Rachel promises them safety and she agrees. With that deal in place, Dick falls off. Then goes Danielle and Rachel is crowned the first H.O.H.
Once inside, Julie Chen informs the whip creamed houseguests of the Golden Key twist and says “Being a nominee this season will be both a blessing and a curse” since the person who survives the nomination would win the key guarantying a spot in the top ten. The Golden Key winner will not be able to participate in a H.O.H. competition but will be able to vote on evictions. One thing that Julie did not address but which I put together is that the Power of Veto will save a couple as a pair and not just one person.
Sunday night, Rachel will have to nominate the couple she wants to put up for eviction. Wednesday, the house will compete for the Power of Veto, followed by Thursday night’s eviction.
QUICK NEWBIES BIO
Adam Poch – A metal head, music inventory manager who loves appletinis and Beverly Hills, 90210. He and Evel Dick will either be BFFs or end up killing each other. It could go either way.
Cassi Colvin – A beautiful model from Texas who is hiding her real day job so the other players don’t misjudge her as someone trying to steal their boyfriends. She claims she is a southern tomboy guys’ girl who loves her beer and country music.
Dominic Briones- A 24-year old college student adrenaline junkie who is a virgin and still living with mom.
Kalia Booker – A proclaimed real-life Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City–she is a relationship advice blogger. She also has a phobia of hair and can’t fathom showering in a public shower.
Keith Henderson – A youth minister who loves women as much as his Bible and who lied about his profession, telling everyone he is a matchmaker. He thought that would help him get in tight with the BB ladies so he could form an alliance called “Keith’s Angels.” But then, the couples’ pairing twist squashed his heavenly dreams.
Lawon Exum – A legal file clerk who wears outlandish clothes. He seems to be trying way too hard to be funny, but then, I know someone who knows him in real life and he promised me that Lawon will have us in stitches soon enough. So, only time can tell.
Porsche Briggs – That’s right, Porsche. She got the name because her parents thought it would be funny naming their baby girl after a car. She is a VIP cocktail waitress from Miami Beach, Fla., who says her personality is her best feature, but “the doctors did help a little bit” when they enhanced her boobs. She also lied about her profession because, get this, to avoid everyone thinking her real job as a waitress is “too luxurious” of a career. So, she told everyone she’s a student.
Shelly Moore- May be the oldest player on the newbie side. A mom and an outdoor apparel company VP.
AMERICA’S VOTE
Here is how America/BB fans voted on who should return to the BB house:
Brendon & Rachel: 21%
Dr. Will & Mike “Boogie”: 16%
Jessie & Natalie: 1%
Evel Dick & Daniele: 24%
Jeff & Jordan: 32%
Hayden & Enzo: 6%
SHAMELESS PLUG!
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