Miranda Kerr, the Victoria’s Secret model married to Orlando Bloom, has opened up about the birth of her baby boy, Flynn, by saying she thought she “was going to die” while giving birth.

Kerr gave birth naturally in January and tells InStyle Australia, “I actually thought I was going to die at one point and left my body,” she says, “I was looking down on myself, the pain was so intense.”

“Kerr told the mag, “I kept thinking, ‘How do women do this?’ But if other women have done this, I can do it too. I was determined.”

Kerr looks amazing but wouldn’t mind too much if she ended up retaining some of the baby weight she claims she’s retained so far: “I can live with my body not being in shape if I have a healthy son. It’s worth it…I thought to myself, ‘I have so much more that I want to do aside from modeling.’”

Speaking of modeling, Kerr is making motherhood her first priority, “I am first a wife and a mother. When I work, it needs to be the best decision for us as a family.”