Nicole Scherzinger reveals her past battles with bulimia on an upcoming episode of VH1′s Behind the Music.

The singer says in the episode which will air this weekend: “It’s embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know.”

Nicole also says (via Entertainment Weekly). “I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It’s like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I’d come back to my room and I’d be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction.”

“I did it everyday for, like, years,” Nicole elaborated. “Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I’d try to hide those. I think the girls could tell.”